I am a woman, many of my best friends are women, and it looks like we have the same routine every morning: wake up, brush teeth, stare at your closet for a while before choosing what will, inevitably, be the first of many outfits you try on, and then finally look at yourself in the mirror, while wearing each outfit, and come to the same conclusion…”Damn it. Why am I so f-cking fat”.
I’m won’t lie, I too am among the many women of this world that partake in this auspicious tradition. Why, you ask? I don’t even know. For most of the women who are guilty of this, it is quite unnecessary but they continue to find ways to make themselves think that they are overweight.
For example, you’re on vacation and, naturally, wherever you are going will have a completely different cuisine than where you’re from (even if it’s the local McDonald’s) and therefore it is totally acceptable to gorge yourself in whatever food you feel necessary because who knows when the next time you’ll be back there on vacation will be? Of course, you feel great while you’re eating everything under the sun but the second you sit down for a second and catch just one glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you’ll feel like you’re looking at a wildebeest with your hair. One second later you are making yourself a vow to only eat salads for breakfast, lunch, and dinner….the second you return home.
You finally return home from vacation and, as promised, your diet starts immediately. You frequent the local salad place for lunch and dinner for a week and then get a little bit jaded. You think to yourself, ‘I really have been working so hard, I deserve a treat…maybe just this one cupcake and I’m done; really, just this one’. And it begins; your one treat turns into an entire case of cupcakes and you then feel like Kirstie Alley after she ruined her years of Jenny Craig dieting. Now, you have an epiphany; your diet obviously isn’t working because you haven’t gone to the gym! What diet can possibly do anyone any good if they don’t pair it with a good workout?
So, you’ve dawned your gym apparel, your iPod is fully charged, and you’re ready to go in with an open mind, you can do this! You think to yourself, “I mean really, if Snooki can do this regularly, I sure as hell can”. You work out; you do some cardio, some abs, and you throw a little bit of weight training in there for fun. You walk out of the gym, after approximately an hour, feeling like you’re on top of the world…and then you get back in front of the mirror as you’re getting in the shower. “Are you serious?! I was there for so long, why the hell don’t I look skinnier? Not even a pound, this is a joke”. Any sane person should know that a mere hour in the gym isn’t going to turn you into Natalie Portman (pre- baby). However, you are not sane; you think that you have been wronged, every machine in the gym was broken and therefore you are still fat.
Ladies, here is my advice. Let’s change the morning routine! Get up in the morning, brush your teeth, then look at yourself, pinch your stomach, as small or large as it may be, and then finally look yourself in the eye and say ‘damn, I am one sexy mother f-cker’.
Until Next Time,